I’ve known you since high school. We met again at your 21st birthday. We grew close because of my boyfriend. I’d stay over at your house and you’d make us dinner, baked goods, coffee. I’d slept next to you. I was the first person to buy something from your – ‘now-then’ – start up business.
I got to know you. Your life. Who you were, what you liked, what you didn’t. Your favourite flower, your favourite place to spend time, the thing you were allergic to the most. The sound of your laugh, the taste of the way you cooked your favourite dish, the scent of your perfume is imprinted in my mind. It’s there like a scar.
My boyfriend opened his heart up to you. He unlatched the hinges, allowed the door to open and you both grew closer. Because of this we did too.
Things then happened.
With you and your family. You moved in with us. We took you in and protected you. We opened our life up to you like curtains lifting to reveal a stage, and in one night you left a difficult circumstance. You “escaped.” You ran away from what you have stated to me as ‘toxic,’ and ‘painful.’
You cancelled every single one of your family members out like you were deleting words from a text message. You erased them from your mind. You told us you wanted nothing to do with them. We watched how they treated you and how you felt because of this. I listened to how disrespected you felt by them, how torn and fractured they had moulded you to be.
You then began to remould yourself. As if some miracle was beginning to blossom through the ashes, vibrancy and life and positivity began to blossom. My boyfriend dedicated his life to make you ‘become the new you.’ A new life style, a new career, a new person. Fierce, free and unashamed. Untamed, uncontrollable and unstoppable.
My boyfriend began to put every possible bit of time into creating this. Creating this person that you wanted to be.
Revolution, revitalisation, a brushstroke, an empowering cloak of scented confidence, a new shell.
Slowly I began to see life break through the ash. Colour and confidence and everything that you wished you could be.
Things began to change. Things aren’t the same now. Things haven’t been the same since I lost my belief in you. I cried about you on my birthday because I lost that belief in you. I saw you loose your spark, your fight, your fire. I began to see that my boyfriend was putting in everything. The hard work, the billable hours, the time, the energy and you? You gave up. You put in nothing.
You began to put in even less. It was as if the mirage that was you began to crack, and very slowly the pieces of the person who you strove so hard to be began to fade. You began to truly fracture. This person who was once a girl who had left tragedy, who had empowered herself from within to become a woman, who had survived against all odds was shattering.
Your life became a flame barely thirsty to keep burning. I discovered how broken you truly were when we tried to put out a hand, to help you, to try and save you and
Minuets became warning signs. Seconds became sirens. Your own aura was a burden to yourself. Your entire being had extinguished itself. You turned your back on those who had originally helped you. You went back to the void, the despair, the darkness.
You left your best friend, his boyfriend, his best friend and their two cats. You left the little family that we all created together. And, as you abandon us, you leave with us an accumulated debt of deceit and disaster and heartache that you’ll never be able to repay. You’ve charred our hearts. You’ve hurt us, and hurt him more than you’ll never know.
what’s worse is,
you’ll never change.
or for yourself.
That’s the truth about you.
I hope our pain lulls, I hope our feelings about this deplete, and I hope that the truth about you lingers within you like a scornful ghost until one day everyone knows what you’ve done, and one day everything